**The Ex** *"My ex contacted me after 20 years and wants to meet for coffee. We're both married now. Part of me really wants to see them. Is that a door I should leave closed?"* Twenty years is a long time. But isn't it funny how hearing from someone who was once an important part of your life can suddenly make twenty years feel like yesterday? I don't think wanting to see your ex necessarily means you're unhappy in your marriage or that you still want to be with them. Maybe you're simply curious. What do they look like now? What happened in their life? Do they ever think about the time you spent together the way you sometimes do? And maybe there's a little part of you that wants to know if that old connection is still there. I think the more important question isn't **"Should I have coffee with my ex?"** It's **"Why do I want to?"** If it's genuinely two old friends catching up, that's one thing. But if you've been thinking about what you'll wear, wondering whether they'll still find you attractive, replaying old memories, or feeling an excitement you haven't felt in a while... I'd pay attention to that. Not because you're doing something terrible. Because those feelings may be telling you something. I'd also ask myself one uncomfortable question: **Would I be completely comfortable telling my spouse that I'm meeting my ex for coffee?** If the answer is no, I'd want to understand why before I agreed to meet. Sometimes we reopen old doors because we want closure. Sometimes it's curiosity. And sometimes we miss who **we were** when that person was part of our life more than we actually miss the person. Only you know which one this is. Before you answer your ex, give yourself permission to be completely honest about what you're hoping will happen if you say yes. And if you want to tell someone the answer you might not be comfortable telling anyone else... You can tell me. 💜 **I'm not a therapist. I'm simply someone who listens without judgment.**

Elizabeth posted on 08/18/2026 1:51 AM

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